Blue and Gray
Toast Catalog
Lately, I wake up everyday with a strong desire to wear red. I miss wearing my dresses, but they do not meet the safety code regulations at work. I have a growing desire to wear ugly garments just to observe the reactions of people around me. I see Greta Thunberg striking on Fridays and have been looking for an outfit from my closet to designate as “Friday Strike Outfit for Climate”. Perhaps this garment should be made from my oldest garments and showcase the mends with a proud dignity ? I heard Toni Morrison say “I am not going to give up one drop of my melanin for upward mobility”, and started to feel the same way about my skin. I have been watching a documentary on Hayao Miyazaki and romanticize workaholism. I see the Toast Catalog and want their knits. The recession fears makes me clutch my purse tighter and run the other way. My ecological budget is in deficit given that I booked a flight to to Austin to spend time with my family for Thanksgiving. I want to drink tea every single hour of the day just so that I have a warm cup on my lone desk at all times. I have a pile of books to be read but family duties seem to tear me away from them. I have a bunch of research papers to be read on climate, and each one seems to cause me more sorrow than the previous one. I wake up every day and miss Cinco The Cat’s morning cuddles. I go to bed dreaming of a rescue dog to rescue me by filling the void in my heart left by Cinco. I miss my friends in California. I have been all over the place and been raging on the inside. I am unleashed in my martial arts classes and train like a maniac. My personal uniform is the one constant factor in my life. My uniform gives me a more peaceful state of mind in the morning. Wearing it is like hitting a reset button on the angst I feel and lets me concentrate on the work that needs to be done. Without it, I would have been stretched thin, in every single direction before 8 am. I would have been more reactive to everything around me and eventually burnt out. It’s one of the yang factors balancing the yin aggregates. My clothing is a shell to protect me from the inside and the outside. Who knew it would be this special ? They have never been “just clothes” for me.