The following posts are copied from my previous blog :

Best Friend Vs Personal Style

I met her in a math class when I was 13. We solved a trigonometry problem together and have been inseparable since. She inspires me. And claims I inspire her too. But she is the more reliable one and the stronger one. We both were in a long distance marriage with our husbands while doing a Phd. Fashion was a good distraction during this period of misery. We talked about running away to Paris together and visiting all the fashion houses over a weekend. We talked about setting up a joint bank savings account for this but never did. M, what say ? There is still time and we are alive, well and kicking ! 

When two girls grow up together over a decade’s worth of stories, there tends to be a crossover in ideas and ideals. If either of us pick up a liking, soon, the other will start to like it too. We sort of resonate. We have always been partners in crime. When I discovered the concept of French chic, I ran to her and made her read the book Madame Chic. Over the years, we have had very different wardrobes but similar tastes. Last week, she purchased an A.P.C tunic dress that I purchased last year. She likes print and I dislike it with a passion. Mine was polka dot. Hers is an abstract print. Both in blue.

We purchased our Proenza Schouler bags together. She got a PS11 and I, a PS1. And made sure they arrived at my apartment when she visited. She still has hers. I sold mine long time ago. She believes in using up an item and not selling it away when it does not meet a standard. In the name of frugal living. I have excellent selling skills on eBay and will let go if I can make the money back. I did. I refuse to keep things I am not happy with, for the sake of them. We do have our differences. But they only make our discussions so much more interesting.

We don’t do sweat pants in public. This was an impromptu hike and she kicked ass !  She hated this chambray shirt of mine. It got sold off next year after I got some wear from it. See, I do listen to her from time to time.

She has a PhD in Mathematics and is a devout yoga practitioner. She introduced me to ashtanga. I have a PhD in Computer Science and am a frivolous yoga practitioner. I dabble in lot of workouts. We both teach.

She discovered raw denim a few years ago and has been raving about them for a long time. I found my pair last year. She helped me get over denim leggings and I can’t believe I walked around in public in them.

She introduced me to Ralph Lauren and APC. And I introduced her to Cuyana. She doesn’t care for the runway. Fashion week is my equivalent of a 15 year old boy’s internet porn.

During my last visit to New York City, we dressed up and went to the Chanel store. High end stores can be intimidating but with her around, it felt tame.

She introduced me to Lin and other style bloggers. And we discussed detoxing from it all after we started seeing too many rstyle links and words ‘PSA’ splattered all over the posts. Lin’s blog continues to be our favourite. We love her post on denim. That is what helped me realize I was overpaying for stretchy jeans.

She is the one who told me I should stop buying 3 silk blouses at Zara and pick one from APC instead. I bought 3 second hand Equipment shirts at the price of Zara from eBay instead.

I buy everything second hand, online. I pick quality and quantity. She likes the pleasure of an in store experience and likes stores like Steven Alan with a curated clutter free displays. She picks quality over quantity.

We discuss views on elegance, modesty, chic, quality, etc all the time. Some match. Some, we end up quibbling over. We were discussing red lipstick last week.

She thinks Everlane is too much noise for the quality it delivers. I find the quality of their silk good enough for the price. She disagrees.

Its not just the clothes. The skin care and grooming secrets were learnt from sharing. We learnt these late in our life by ourselves. Our mothers did not pass us too much wisdom on this regard. It was only after we started working that we could indulge ourselves with facials or Sk-II serums. Not a day before. Posture and yoga go hand in hand. Confidence comes from achievements and exposure to life. We continue to learn.

I started blogging more about style after she left America. Its hard to have these conversations and I have taken to chatting with fellow bloggers instead to fill the void. I miss her all the time.

.

She has moved back to India and had a baby. I help her buy clothes during APC sales and ship them to India. I imagine life will change a lot with the distance. My cute nephew is going to teach her a lot about life. We will both change with time. But somewhere deep down, we will be the same little girls sharing our stories. And playing dress up. 

A Mathematician’s Shoe Collection

A mathematician’s closet:

She has a well rounded shoe collection. I have been begging her to let me photograph it and make some style posts. “I wont answer shit like : describe your style in 3 words. Don’t you ask me such inane questions”, she said. I agreed.  Easiest things first – presenting her shoe collection :

“Ten years ago, I lived in three pairs – sports shoes, covered or semi-covered flats, and slippers. Moved to America for my PhD. Lived in New York, which marked the beginning of a huge transformation in how I looked at dressing up, grooming and taking care of myself. Today I own a variety of shoes – loafers, oxfords, sandals. And still want to add a few more styles into my collection. “

Brown Sandals : Made to measure by Kikanyc. You send in your foot impressions with measurements as per their specifications. The shoe artelier is run by a protegee of the legendary shoe maker Barbara Shaum. 

Cognac Sandals : Jerusalem.   ( Between M and me, we bought 8 pairs from the brand so far. For our husbands, dads, uncles, cousins, … The sturdiest sandals I have laid eyes on. Excellent value for money. Pairs well with Indian clothing. )

Blue Perforated Loafers : New York City based sustainable brand – Coclico. 

.

Black Sandals : Birkenstock.

Tan Sandals : A.P.C  

Brown Loafers : Ralph Lauren Collection

.

White Cut-out oxfords : Coclico

Tan oxfords : n.d.c

A Chat :

I see a lot of masculine shoes. Tell me a little about what you wear outfit wise on an everyday basis that goes with the shoes.

I don’t think my shoes are masculine. They are just not heels. But neither are they the black oxfords that my husband wears to work. So it is relatively easy to wear them. I think wearing black oxfords are so much harder to wear compared to tan/brown ones. I am a uniform dresser. Its usually a plain shirt half tucked in, wool trousers/denim cuffed up, black belt and my  shoes.   I try and make an effort to add a very feminine element to my dressing. It could be in my make up (eye liner ) or top bun or open curls or wear colored stone jewellry or a scarf with a subtle pattern. This extra touch is to celebrate the woman in me.

Oldest shoe and newest shoe ?

      Oldest: NDC – tan oxfords. I got them 4.5 years ago. Ruined them once since I got drenched in rain. But my cobbler could repair them.

Newest: Jerusalem sandals in cognac. They are only two months old. I started craving slip on sandals after I got pregnant and moved to India. 

How do you care for what you own ? fav cobbler in NYC ?

My shoe care starts once I am home. I dust them off and then put them in the shoe bags, and clean, condition, and polish at least once a month using my shoe care kit from Saphir . When I first moved to US, I had two shoes in my collection – Bedstu loafer in a very nice green color and dark brown lace up mid calf boots from vintage shoe company. I didn’t do anything to them. They lasted me for 4 years. But the quality was so good that I could have made them last longer had I taken good care of them. Since then, i started relying on two cobblers- one who was close to my place in Long Island and the other one in NYC (Cowboy Shoe Repair on Broome Street).

Lets take a moment to remember your studded loafers that we ruined hiking in Sedona. (She visited me in Arizona. And we went on an impromptu hike during a road trip. I was wearing combat boots. She was wearing studded loafers. It was a rocky slope. We destroyed the loafers ! )

Can you believe that I did not throw them away. I did not have the heart to do so. They carried me for almost 3.5 years and made me feel pretty. They became a part of me.  They were my signature shoes. Plain outfits and studded loafers. Early in 2009, it was not in fashion (or atleast my purchase decisions were not influenced by bloggers, instagram, or pinterest). I used to feel that my outfit is complete the moment I put them on. I walked and biked a lot in them. But was surprised that I could even hike them. Later, the leather became very hard and was ruined from the Sedona Bell Rock hike. If I had to buy a similar pair, I would not think twice. But I won’t buy it if it is the same brand (Antik Batik) though. I will get them if they are made with better leather quality.

You told me about the one shoe per color that you follow. Elaborate.

I have few constraints while purchasing. Need a tick in each of these categories: 1) very comfortable or guaranteed comfort after few wears, 2) usually buy in store unless its impossible, 3) avoid exact color repetition across different styles. The last one is a very strict rule for me. I don’t see a big difference in wearing a heel/sandal/oxford in the same color with denim. Heels might make me feel more delicate..but that is not what I want from my shoes. They have to keep me comfortable on my feet, should be of high quality, and sometimes be attractive.  Here’s a list of what I have currently.**Loafers – brown and blue**Oxfords – tan and white

**Sandals – dark brown, cognac, black strap Birkenstock

Since moving to India, how has your collection changed ? ( Avg temperatures : 80-90 degree Celsius )

 I added cognac Jerusalem sandals and dark brown KikaNY sandals. The weather here is rather hot for oxfords and loafers. I only wear them during morning or evenings now, and choose my sandals or my blue perforated loafers if I am walking to work mid day.

Anything on your wishlist ? Or missing from your collection ?

I want to add few more to  my collection.**Flats – nude/grey ballet flats? I like this one from Salvatore Ferragamo.

**Kitten heel – grey/black ? (No idea where to find something thats a bit sexy and still functional).

 Any shoe wisdom you want to share ? 

I can only tell what helped me in my purchases.1) Always buy in a store after walking all morning. It makes hell of a difference when you can talk to the sales representative  about any doubts you might have about the shoe.2) Look for shoes with great quality leather, and take them to your cobbler for installing a vibram sole after few uses.3) Stick to the brand you love. My husband only owns Santonis shoes and didn’t once hear him complain about them.4) Notice which shape of the shoe cap suits your feet. (Almond shape works great for me).5) Look for shoes with the stiffener. They help with making your shoes last and for ankle support. Use shoe trees.6) Care for your shoes. Buy products specific for the leather type of your shoes.7) After wearing the shoe, I see to it that I have half an inch gap between the shoe top and my longest finger.8) Don’t buy suede shoes. They are very hard to maintain.9) Don’t buy shoes just because they went on sale.

Brands that I adore: Santoni (I dont own any from this one. But constantly drool over my husbands shoes), NDC and Bedstu.

There you go. Isnt it a well chosen collection ? Coming up sometime soon : Style mistakes from our 20s, a conversation.  She is holding the voice memo we recorded on this topic, hostage on her phone. 

* * *

December, 2019.

She is dead. I want to die too, with her. I don’t want what she can’t have. It all feels unnecessary, excess-full and meaningless. What is science without the underlaying math ? She is off on a different adventure, and the adventure I am on no longer makes sense.

What would I have been without her ?

A country bumpkin with not an ounce of ambition, rebellion, free thought and courage. I would have self destructed in the misery and circumstances of my awful fucked up childhood. I latched on to her to find a way out. She is my sister in arms.

When we first met, we felt the pain of separation by a classroom wall. Minutes felt long. We would write each other letters during classes, run to each other between periods and exchange the written missives. Everything came pouring out. Every experience remembered had to be shared. We would ride our bikes as fast as we could so that the time spent could be maximized.

I owe her for all the pocket money she spent on me to feed me jilebi on the street corner. We would get sugar high and do math. I can always summon this memory of us and feel that happiness again.

When we were 15, my mother embroidered a piece of turquoise cloth and got it stitched into matching salwar-kameez for us both. I remember how happy it made us when we dressed the same. We would co-ordinate so that we could do it often. That feeling …..

She once told me that I was the most curious person she knew. She encouraged me to ask questions and to think. And then, science was born in my life. It takes one person to see what you cant see in yourself. To this day, science and first principles thinking used in physics hold the highest intellectual honor. That coupled with imagination and art, is a pathway to constant learning I want for myself.

I am a sexual assault survivor. She never left my side. When the police wouldn’t register a case, she started saving money for vigilante justice. She wanted to hire goons and have them serve revenge. I had to stop her. (And she didnt have any money thankfully. ) Ferocious was her friendship. She wanted to fly down to Arizona to slap an abusive roommate I wouldn’t stand up to. She once followed a random person on the street who she thought stole something from me. My time line is lined with her looking out for me.

We fought all the time. But we are so in love that we would fight over one email thread and write each other emails over other topics in our natural tone. Dissent is normal. Dissent is not a reason to lose any time with a loved one. We would be pulling each others hair on one “fighting” email. And discussing fashion on the other. And bitching about our work on the other. This is how sisters fight. We would fight about science, social science, the right way to think, culture, country, religion, fashion, books, cars, privilege, money, idea of good life, ….. We would get tired of each other’s bullshit and almost call quits, but we would crawl our way back home.

We once took a train trip to go see a music festival. We played charades with a group of people we met. After a few rounds, they didn’t want to play with us anymore. We could communicate so easily without words that they didn’t stand a chance.

We both fell in love at the same time. If one of us got an idea into our heads, it somehow would propagate into the other. This is resonance. Physics has an explanation for it in physical bodies. But we two, are a super-natural phenomenon. At one point, both our handwritings converged to look the same. We couldn’t tell it apart. When my mother found a letter from her, she thought I had a mental health issue coz it looked like I was writing letters to myself.

I had a wedding. My partner was supposed to tie 3 knots to make it official according to the hindu ceremony. In my case, he tied two. She tied the last one. Sounds about right. If he gets legal rights, so should she. If its a life time of love that is being promised, why should he get all the knots ?

She got married on a day picked out based on how much vacation I could take from teaching. She asked me when it was convenient for her to get married. To be asked, meant the world to me. It’s like being proposed to, for marriage.

PhD was the hardest thing I ever did. We both were in long distance marriages. I finished it because we did it together.

We became professors at the same time. I quit and entered the industry. She persisted. We were supposed to someday go to Paris together to buy an Hermes Kelly when she got tenure. We have been putting away some money from every paycheck since 2010.

We never took that Paris trip. Because environment and carbon footprint. We both are on a plant based diet. She is a minimalist. I am a bad minimalist. She did the best for her children. I am trying to do the best for all my nieces and nephews.

In the last birthday card she gave me, she said “lets be old ladies who one day sit on a porch and reminisce our lifetime of stories”. Now, I am the only one standing telling our story. How can this be ? These stories are ours. Sorry that I am writing them away today without your consent.

To whom much has been given, have much to give back. It’s my turn to discover what these words mean. She is survived by her husband and two children. By her parents and her brother. By me. By her work. By how she lived.