And in the naked light I saw
– The Sound of Silence, Disturbed.
Ten thousand people, maybe more
People talking without speaking
People hearing without listening
People writing songs that voices never share
And no one dared
Disturb the sound of silence
My voice wasn’t needed. Maybe the ramblings of the humans who are doing alright during the pandemic should tone it down and not compete with the voices of fellow humans experiencing economic pain/loss of health ? The blogs I was reading started showcasing luxurious lounge clothes, home improvement projects to set up a study room, gardens to walk in the name of wellness, wine and sunsets, affiliate links to clothes on sale, sourdough bread, … and it was a bit much. We the social media generation have been flaunting our over-tourism and overconsumption amidst a climate breakdown for all these years. Now, we are doing more of the same during the pandemic ? My care packages felt vapid and even vulgar. Staying silent felt right. As the racial injustices reached a visible tipping point in America, I sincerely believe that going about my little life, is being a part of the problem. Speak, when you think your words are better than your silence.
Start somewhere.
” Enough.”
“Enough. I want to do something.”
“Enough. I should do something beyond internet outrage”.
Say it out loud.
To yourself first.
To your family next.
Then to 10 of your closest friends.
“The model minority”
I have benefitted from the myth of model minority. Asians are supposed to be good at math. They study hard. They don’t do crime. They work hard, pay taxes, don’t cause trouble and plug themselves well into this system. They assimilate. I have been told this numerous time by folk who are anti-immigration. “Not you. We want people with phds. You are the good ones. You pay taxes. You should start a company here and create jobs. You should stay.” I usually smile when I hear this. Never questioned the assumption. Never bothered to learn.
Know thy self
Take the Race bias test : here.
Casual remarks uttered in living rooms I sit in, that I never call out / call in :
” Chinki”
“Kallus” / ” Kalas”
“Makkus”
Dark skin == bad. Fair skin == good.
Euro centric facial features == beauty. Indigenous facial feature == ugly.
“Argh, neighborhood full of Indians”
“We Indians are everywhere. I am trying to find a neighborhood with some diversity. But not Mexicans, Blacks and Muslims. “
“My neighbors are white and we are best friends. “
“This university is nicknamed Indian State University. Too many Indians.”
“This apartment is full of Indians. I want to live some place else. “
“your taste is so Indian.”
“Indian food smells. Asian foods are smelly.” ….. “I can’t walk past that ramen place in that hipster neighborhood without being hungry for some. Smells divine.”
“You cook Indian food everyday ? How desi “
“Be scared of black people. “
“So black people aren’t restricted by work visas like us, and still choose to be lazy and poor ? “
“She has no taste. It’s too Indian print on print on print.”
“Prints are visual clutter. Indian prints can be too loud. It’s the maximalist Indian taste. Bright colors are gaudy. Under stated elegance blah blah blah is my taste.”
“Your landlords are Mexican ? They amassed that much wealth ?”
“Marry anyone as long they are not black. Just no. No.”
I may have said few of these lines in my past.
From my experience, we Indian immigrants try to stand closer to the Caucasians than the BIOPOC communities. Many cultural attributes of POC are treated as an inferiority to wean off as time goes by. We show off our white friends. It’s a sign of really assimilating in America and making it : to be accepted by white people. I constantly get asked “Do you have readers who are not Indian ?” “Do you have employees in your company who are not Indian?” When I say yes, I see the appreciation increase. Cultivation of whiteness becomes a background pursuit. “If we go abroad we don’t become allies to other colonized people, we become Tories or Republicans, applying bleaching agents to our brains.“ Until one day, American whiteness is not sufficient enough an aspiration. It shifts to cultivating European whiteness and dissing the American counter part. Vacations in Europe are superior. Appreciation of European culture becomes synonymous with having culture…… I was sleep walking on this path.
The implicit bias exists. I didn’t need that Harvard test to admit to it.
My Style blog. Atonement. Reparations.
When all my style inspirations are white, it means something. I was once politely questioned about it by a reader. My reply: “I chose these photos for the aesthetic. POC with minimalist aesthetics are rare”. Truth : I didn’t look hard enough. I was asked to share about Indian textiles, one of the richest and diverse in the world. My reply : “I like poplin and minimal aesthetic which is hard to find in India. The Indian weaves I know wear poorly when machine washed. So I don’t follow Indian fashion anymore.” Looking back, I am saddened by the doors I closed. I once published a guest blog post by a fellow Indian woman. I did not use her photos because they weren’t minimalist enough and used a stock photo of a brown actress. She called me in on what I did to her article. I am ashamed, apologized but didn’t fix it. Writing/art is expression of a point of view. It should never be reduced to an aesthetic or one shallow idea of beauty.
To Do : Seek our POC women who have the minimalist aesthetic/wear uniform and have sustainability at their core. I ought to do the work and find us.
Repair : Give equity. Make sure that at least 50% of the style images I publish for reference are BIOPIC.
Donate.
I currently have a job and an income. I am in a position to share my fortune. I increased my contributions on patreon for black educators and have made some donations to the following organizations :
As I learn more, I am understanding how I have benefited from the cast/religion structures in India. I owe reparations to many communities back home. Some wrong doings have been haunting me for a while now. I am yet to act on it.
Climate Community
“I can’t breathe”, Mr. George Floyd cried out in agony.
“We need clean air or else we can’t breathe”, the climate movement has been sounding alarms about.
What good is clean air if we can’t breathe ?
The climate movement should stand behind BLM.
The root of climate crisis, is the exploitative colonial mindset. The belief that anything you create is worth what you destroy. The belief that some people’s lifestyle is worth more than some people’s lives. The belief that conserving wealth is worth not conserving our environment. The belief that any technological advancement is progress and it must be made at the costs of climate inaction. The folks in power can roll back regulation and can pollute with a free conscience, because they know that their power can isolate them from the consequences. The ones that are most impacted are POC, the not so wealthy humans and folks who live in the global south. If the ones with power/wealth believed that they would be on the front lines of this crisis, they would have summoned the might of human minds, resources and technology. As long as “we” will be fine and “they” suffer, climate crisis will not see enough action. To my eyes, it’s the same problem. An “us” vs “them” problem. A “my status-quo” is more important than “their lives” problem. If we don’t fight for social justice now, we are a weird bunch of activists who care about human suffering only if it comes from climate related disasters.
May the silent spring end.
Thank you for writing this. As someone of Chinese descent living in Canada (a country where there is much racism denial because “we’re not like our neighbours to the south”), so much of it resonated with me.
I have been torn between outrage and knowing, deep down, that I too am implicit in this. For sure, as immigrants we have internalized white superiority and the idea of being a “model minority” has become a pathway for us to gain approval and validation from white people and succeed within white-serving social structures. It makes me angry that we have largely failed to ally with Blacks and other minorities. Instead we have been driven to please our white superiors, believing that they can somehow elevate us, while picking up cruel racial biases. Speaking from my experiences within the Chinese diaspora community, there’s an idolization of whiteness, at the expense of caring for our own: children looking down on their parents for being so “Asian”, families who think they’re better because they’ve assimilated better into Western life and have left the embarrassing old country behaviours behind.
I’m also trying to do better, learn more, and slowly figure what I can act on in support of Black communities.
In terms of style inspiration from POC women, I recently came across this blog post: https://melaninass.com/blog/2019/3/7/g3j5bdszgd322fvstq1kb3fhu8e888 . I’ve also followed Natalie from The Tiny Closet http://www.thetinycloset.com / https://www.instagram.com/thetinycloset/ and Aja’s writing https://eco-age.com/news/buying-forever-how-invest-longevity
Thanks again and I’m glad that the curtain of silence is being lifted.
Thanks for writing this. I appreciate your remarks, Archana.
Best,
Lakshmi
I took a few days to digest this post, so much to think about and it’s amazing how much reflection you have taken with all this going on.
I am also guilty of not looking harder beyond white inspiration when it came to style. I never gave thought to why I stopped reading magazines or following fashion. I knew it was because I was disturbed by the consumerism and the environmental/impact on poor countries, but applying the racial lens and seeing it in its full ugliness? I missed that. Perhaps I didn’t want to know, because knowing means having to fight the good fight when we see something wrong.
As a Chinese person born and bred in a former British colony, there’s still a lot of unquestioning acceptance of white/western superiority I’m learning to untangle. It’s considered “inferior” to speak English poorly, and someone more comfortable in our mother tongues (Mandarin, Malay, Tamil etc) is assumed to be less well-educated. Pop culture (TV, fashion etc) is dominated by light-skinned or white people. Race is not discussed because apparently we’re such a successful melting pot that there’s no need to discuss it, plus laws punish you for inciting racial violence. That’s all we need right? (I’m being sarcastic). If you ask a Chinese person (Chinese people are the majority racial group in Singapore) whether he/she had racial privilege, they would likely be offended the way some white people do. It is sad.
I used to think of style as a thing I can enjoy in my downtime, an escape from reality, or at least a pause. But it turns out we are indeed what we wear (and look at). I hope we all do better together!